|Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news. Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first. Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to|
live. Patient: 24 hours! That's terrible! What could be worse? What's the very bad
news? Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.
|Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You've had an accident involving a train. Patient: What happened? Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like|
to hear first? Patient: Well... The bad news first... Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them. Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news? Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your
|Doctor: I have some good news and I have some bad news, which shall I tell|
first? Patient: Do begin with the bad news, please. Doctor: Alright. Your son has drowned, your daughter has been raped, your wife
has divorced you, your house got blown away, and you have AIDS. Patient: Good grief! What's the good news? Doctor: The good news is that there is no more bad news. Doctor: I have some good news and some bad news, which shall I tell first? Patient: Uhhh, well, give me the bad news first, I guess. Doctor: You only have one week left to live. Patient: Oh no! What good news can you possibly tell me now? Doctor: Well, you know that really hot-looking nurse who just came in here?
I'm taking her out to dinner tonight, and who knows where the night will end!
|This guy goes to the doctor for a checkup, and after some tests, the doctor comes in with a grave look on his face. Doctor: Well, I have some bad news and some really bad news. Guy: Well, give me the really bad news first. Doctor: You have cancer, and only 6 months to live. Guy: And the bad news? Doctor: You have Alzheimer's disease. Guy: Thank God. I was afraid I had cancer!|
|This old man visits his doctor and after a thorough examination, the doctor tells him, "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?" Patient: Well, give me the bad news first. Doctor: You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left. Patient: OH NO! That's awful! In two years, my life will be over! What kind|
of good news could you probably tell me, after this??? Doctor: You also have Alzheimer's. In about three months you are going to
forget everything I told you.
|What's the best thing about having Alzheimer's Disease? You can hide your own Easter eggs. You are always meeting new people. You never have to watch reruns on television.|
|I am always getting those return address labels from charities wanting money. The other day, I got one from an Alzheimer's group. Funny though, they forgot to put my street name on them!|
|Doctor: We need to get these people to a hospital! Nurse: What is it? Doctor: It's a big building with a lot of doctors, but that's not important|
now! Doctor: Did you take the patient's temperature? Nurse: No. Is it missing?
|Doctor: Does it hurt when you do this? |
Doctor: Well, don't do that.
|Doctor: Nurse, how is that little boy doing, the one who swallowed ten|
Nurse: No change yet.
|Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow. Doctor: How do you feel? Patient: A little down in the mouth. |
|Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up a point or more? Doctor: Sell!|
|Patient: Doctor, what fish did you say I have? Doctor: Not a fish, stupid, cancer!|
|Patient: Doctor, I've got five penises. Doctor: Well, how do your pants fit? Patient: Like a glove. Doctor: Have you ever had this before? Patient: Yes. Doctor: Well, you've got it again.|
|Patient: My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in? Doctor: A shoebox.|
|Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep|
losing my temper with people. Doctor: Tell me about your problem. Patient: I just did, didn't I, you stupid bastard!!!!!
|Woman: Doctor, my husband tells me my pussy's too big. So I'd like you to tell|
me if you find it unusual.
Doctor: Please, take off your clothes and I'll have you examined.
Doctor (shouting): What a giant pussy!! What a giant pussy!!
Woman (angry): Did you have to say it twice?!?
Doctor: I didn't.
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