Random jokes
Blonde jokes
Doctor jokes
Lawyer jokes
Random jokes
Blonde jokes
Doctor jokes
Lawyer jokes
Random jokes
Blonde jokes
Doctor jokes
Lawyer jokes
Random jokes
Blonde jokes
Doctor jokes
Lawyer jokes
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news. Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first. Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to
live. Patient: 24 hours! That's terrible! What could be worse? What's the very bad
news? Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You've had an accident involving a train. Patient: What happened? Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like
to hear first? Patient: Well... The bad news first... Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them. Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news? Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your
slippers.

Doctor: I have some good news and I have some bad news, which shall I tell
first? Patient: Do begin with the bad news, please. Doctor: Alright. Your son has drowned, your daughter has been raped, your wife
has divorced you, your house got blown away, and you have AIDS. Patient: Good grief! What's the good news? Doctor: The good news is that there is no more bad news. Doctor: I have some good news and some bad news, which shall I tell first? Patient: Uhhh, well, give me the bad news first, I guess. Doctor: You only have one week left to live. Patient: Oh no! What good news can you possibly tell me now? Doctor: Well, you know that really hot-looking nurse who just came in here?
I'm taking her out to dinner tonight, and who knows where the night will end!


This guy goes to the doctor for a checkup, and after some tests, the doctor comes in with a grave look on his face. Doctor: Well, I have some bad news and some really bad news. Guy: Well, give me the really bad news first. Doctor: You have cancer, and only 6 months to live. Guy: And the bad news? Doctor: You have Alzheimer's disease. Guy: Thank God. I was afraid I had cancer!

This old man visits his doctor and after a thorough examination, the doctor tells him, "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?" Patient: Well, give me the bad news first. Doctor: You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left. Patient: OH NO! That's awful! In two years, my life will be over! What kind
of good news could you probably tell me, after this??? Doctor: You also have Alzheimer's. In about three months you are going to
forget everything I told you.

What's the best thing about having Alzheimer's Disease? You can hide your own Easter eggs. You are always meeting new people. You never have to watch reruns on television.

I am always getting those return address labels from charities wanting money. The other day, I got one from an Alzheimer's group. Funny though, they forgot to put my street name on them!


Doctor: We need to get these people to a hospital! Nurse: What is it? Doctor: It's a big building with a lot of doctors, but that's not important
now! Doctor: Did you take the patient's temperature? Nurse: No. Is it missing?

Doctor: Does it hurt when you do this?
Patient: Yes.
Doctor: Well, don't do that.

Doctor: Nurse, how is that little boy doing, the one who swallowed ten
quarters?
Nurse: No change yet.

Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow. Doctor: How do you feel? Patient: A little down in the mouth.

Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up a point or more? Doctor: Sell!


Patient: Doctor, what fish did you say I have? Doctor: Not a fish, stupid, cancer!

Patient: Doctor, I've got five penises. Doctor: Well, how do your pants fit? Patient: Like a glove. Doctor: Have you ever had this before? Patient: Yes. Doctor: Well, you've got it again.

Patient: My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in? Doctor: A shoebox.

Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep
losing my temper with people. Doctor: Tell me about your problem. Patient: I just did, didn't I, you stupid bastard!!!!!

Woman: Doctor, my husband tells me my pussy's too big. So I'd like you to tell
me if you find it unusual.
Doctor: Please, take off your clothes and I'll have you examined.
Doctor (shouting): What a giant pussy!! What a giant pussy!!
Woman (angry): Did you have to say it twice?!?
Doctor: I didn't.

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